These are relationships built on conditions. Conditional relationships are inherently selfish. We attach ourselves to superficial objects and ideas and then try to live them vicariously through the people we become close to.
These conditional relationships then make us even more lonely because no real connection is ever being made. Conditional relationships also cause us to tolerate being treated poorly. This transitory nature of conditional relationships is usually something people can only see with the passage of a sufficient amount of time. Teenagers are young and just discovering their identities , so it makes sense that they are constantly obsessed with how they measure up to others. But as years go on, most people realize that few people stick around in their lives. As most people age, most of them come to prioritize unconditional relationships — relationships where each person is accepted unconditionally for whoever he or she is, without additional expectations.
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Unconditional relationships are relationships where both people respect and support each other without any expectation of something in return. To put it another way, each person in the relationship is primarily valued for the relationship itself — the mutual empathy and support — not for their job, status, appearance, success, or anything else.
Unconditional relationships are the only real relationships. They cannot be shaken by the ups and downs of life. They are not altered by superficial benefits and failures. The relationship is not subjected to the coolness economy where I drop you the second you start hurting my chances to impress others.
Becoming aware of and open to your vulnerabilities.
People with conditional relationships never learned to see the people around them in terms of anything other than the benefits they provide. Parents, as usual, are often the culprits here. But as with all relationship skills, it starts in the family.
Not your own. You will also build your relationships by manipulating others to fit your needs rather than take care of them yourself. This is the basis for a toxic relationship. Conditions cut both ways. Most conditional relationships are entered into unconsciously — that is, they are entered into without conscious thought about who this person is or why they like you or what their behavior towards you indicates. You just see their sweet tattoos and envy their rad bike and want to be close to them.
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People who enter into conditional relationships enter into them for the simple reason that these relationships feel really good , yet they never stop to question why it feels so good. There are a million hypothetical questions and you should be asking yourself every single one of them. All the time. If you want to remove or repair the conditional relationships in your life and have strong unconditional relationships, you are going to have to piss some people off.
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And you have to let go of your own. It will cause drama. A shit-storm of drama in many cases. After all, what you are doing is you are taking somebody who has been using parts of you to make themselves feel better and denying their ability to do so. Their reaction will be angry and they will blame you. They will say a lot of mean things about you. This sort of reaction is just further proof of the conditions on the relationship. A conditional love will fight back.
But this drama is necessary. Because one of two things will emerge from it.
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Either the person will be unable to let go of their conditions and they will therefore remove themselves from your life which, ultimately, is a good thing in most cases. Or, the person will be forced to appreciate you unconditionally, to love you in spite of the inconveniences you may pose to themselves or their self-esteem. This is really fucking hard, of course.
But relationships are difficult by nature because people are difficult by nature. If life was just all fun and fellatio, then nothing good would ever get done. I knew it the minute I met you. I just got stuck. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly. They were words only the heart could hear and understand, words that could impart entire pentameter sonnets in their few, short syllables. I didn't fall in love, I rose in it.
Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby. Goodrich, Slaying Dragons. It is the language of Love. I don't know how you do what you do, because everything that doesn't make sense about me, makes sense when I'm with you. I love you simply, without problems or pride. I love you, and I will love you until I die, and if there is life after that, I'll love you then.
It will always be you. Don't you get that? If I had the choice between you and a million things I've always wanted, I would choose you every single time.
True Love Quotes to Get You Believing in Love Again
I love you so profoundly it goes beyond all reason. And I could never let you go — let you be taken from me — that would be the same as letting life itself go, because you are life to me. Like an effortless intake of breath. Kayla Kibbe is writer for YourTango who covers everything from dating and single life to love and marriage. Follow Us. Sign in. Kayla Kibbe. Love , Quotes October 9,